Incongruity can be defined as the inability of two elements to combine harmoniously. If you’re confused by that statement, you just proved it to be accurate by your bewilderment. Let’s simplify with the example you just served… Long words and simpletons don’t mix.

We can always find natural elements in our surroundings that may seem to be perfect compliments to each other, but after lessons learned, we find that they just don’t mesh well. Oil and water, friends and business, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, have all proven to be disastrous combinations that should teach us that not all elements natural or not, work well together.

In order to obtain the perfect outcome, different ingredients must be added to the pot. There are mixtures that work for food, and then there are those that don’t. There are mixtures that work for a long vacation and there are those that don’t. There are mixtures that work for sex, and then there are these…

Sex and… Body Odor
Seriously. We should not have to tell you to bathe – properly – if you intend to be sharing your bed and your body with anyone. That offensive stench from your armpits is by no means an aphrodisiac. If you don’t know that your sweaty hair smells like a wet rug when you don’t wash it frequently, we’ll tell you. It does! And it’s by no means sexy. And since this is sex, you should have guessed that your sexual organs would have been explored, so for God in Heaven’s sake…I can’t even continue. Just writing this makes my nostrils burn. Cure? A new partner…. Who bathes…. Properly.

Sex and Erectile Dysfunction
You can’t use a fork to enjoy soup. You can’t use a car to sail the ocean – at least not yet – and you most certainly can’t use a limp penis to have good sex. If you try to engage in sex and you’re only armed with a penis that is more floppy than an over boiled noodle, the only thing guaranteed to rise is your blood pressure. Cure? Viagra. Or try singing the national anthem to see if Willy will stand
to attention.

Sex and Inhibitions
If you’re going to do the nasty, then do it all the way. Sex only becomes sex when you let go of your inhibitions and act like wild rabbits. If you’re already naked, and your cellulite is lying on the mattress next to the hairiest back you’ve ever seen and you still want to bang each other, throw caution to the wind and your shyness right behind it. Cure? Be glad that somebody wants you and rock their world (And your bed). Or…just take off the damn lights and pretend you two are runway models in
love.

Sex and Non- Sexual Conversation
Nobody wants to hear about the grocery list, or the fact that you need to hire a plumber for your leaking toilet during sex. It might be necessary conversation, but not while you’re in bed. It just sucks (no pun intended) the interest right out of your libido. Cure? If you must talk…talk dirty.
“Harder!” “Faster!” “OOOH!” “AAAH!” Get the picture?

Sex and Bad Memory
If you’re in bed with someone, you might as well remember who you’re in bed with. A sure crack at getting yourself kicked out of the sack is calling your partner the wrong name. We understand that Billy reminds you of Bob or Jenny moans like Julie, but mixing up names? Cure? Use generic names like Baby, or Mamma, Stud even…all wrong, but right.

Sex and Premature Ejaculation
Like a beautiful blossom that’s radiant today and withers tomorrow, - gone too soon - so exists the ever-disappointing premature ejaculation – cum too soon. Two humps and a tremble is never going to be enough to satisfy. As such premature ejaculation makes our list for the things that don’t mix well with sex. Cure? Stud 101. De-sensitizing at it’s best

Sex and A squeaky bed
The only sounds that you should hear during sex are the following: Your choice of sexy music, whispers of pleasure from your partner, and the occasional smack on the ass. What you do not want to hear is the annoying sound of a rickety old bed, followed by cursing neighbours. Cure? Hit the floor.

Sex and Strange rashes in Stranger places
Nuff’ said. Cure? DON’T DO IT!

Sex and Monthly cycles
Internationally, red lights mean stop. In the bedroom the same applies. Unless you’re a Psycho, there is nothing sexy about blood, hence the turn off. Cure? Wait a week. After all…better late than pregnant.

Sex and Phones
The only thing more annoying than hearing the phone ring, especially when you’ve already reached the point where you’ve started to sweat, is hearing your partner say… “I have to get that” before they roll you over to catch that caller. Cure? Unless you intend to put the vibrate function on your phone to good use, throw it down the toilet before you begin. And the honorable mention…

Sex and Farting
A sudden burst of noxious fumes would be enough to scare anyone away from you when you’re fully clothed. Now you’re naked. No clothes to absorb some of those vapors or even cushion the sound. Imagine if your partner has his or her nose anywhere close to your exhaust. Bomber! Cure? You got us there!