Masters of disguise, Stealth movers and 007’s are all aliases that you use for yourself when you display your less than kosher conduct in the public domain. You think you can just fly around the city, and display your shameful behavior and nobody notices? Surely you jest! You might be able to get away with it in an area where people mind their own business, and don’t scrutinize-meticulously- every detail that comes in line with their vision, but where Trini’s abound, there is no such luxury.

Being a Trini myself I dare not say that we are “maccos”. We are just keen observers of reality. The reality here is that sometimes our fellow humans do things that are just damn nasty, or criminally insane. What’s worse is that we see you! Yep! We see every risqué, repulsive, shockingly inappropriate and downright abnormal move you make, and we’re going to expose your foul habits for the entire world to read. This happens to be an unconscious move for some, but what’s really scary is that others seem to use it like a mating ritual. Attract a babe by giving it a little squeeze why don’t ya? Dude, this really doesn’t suggest how macho you are. It just leaves us wondering two things. Do you wash it properly?… and how many insects do you have crawling around down there? We’ll even recommend a sure fire cure for your daily crotch scratching… Soap and water!

While we’re on the topic of washing, you might want to take a garden hose and For instance, public scratching and shifting of your crotch is just disrespectful to the general public. wash out those nostrils that you’re always picking. So accustomed are you to this atrocious habit that you don’t even pretend to hide it. You just stick your entire index finger in there don’t you? Just because we’re considerate, we pretend not to see it. But we do! Just don’t let any of those boogers hit us in the eye.

Even though Biology says that anything alive that isnot a plant is an animal, does not mean that you should be grooming yourself with your own spittle. Felines lick their fur, and dogs lick their balls, and you indirectly lick your eyebrows when you spit on your finger and smooth them over. We’ve even seen you take care of that elbow ash with the same strategy. Not cool! Now there are things that happen and they absolutely need a response, but those responses should not be public. That unruly underwear that keeps creeping up the crack of your “ahem” needs immediate attention. Pretending that you’re searching for something in your back pocket and simultaneously trying to free your anus while standing in line at the bank is a nice attempt at subterfuge, but we’re not dumb. Find a bathroom if you can. Lean against a wall with your hands behind your back if you will. We just don’t want to see you picking the hell out of your buttocks in public.

Facts of life are always there for us to examine. We may find some of them distasteful, but they remain facts that cannot be changed. It’s a fact that human beings sweat during the course of the day. It is also a fact that one can exude offensive odours if general rules of hygiene are not properly followed. We know this and we sometimes consciously hold our collective breaths when we see them coming. But we also see when you take a quick whiff of your armpits. We even see when you swipe your fingers under there and pass them by your nostrils. Another fact? You smell! We understand though. The heat is sometimes unbearable and of course you’llsweat. We all do. We hail the invention of the mighty air conditioning unit. Bliss! Sometimes this wonderful invention works overtime and gets the temperature to almost freezing degrees. Ladies, we all know what cold temperatures can do to your nipples. And if we did not know, we certainly would when we see you tweaking them intermittently when temperatures are down. Think we didn’t notice? Look at the guy sitting next to you. Then check his temperature.

If you look at him too closely though, you might have noticed that he may just have a runny nose. If you follow him around, we almost guarantee that you’d see him blow that snot from his nose using his five-fingered hankie. Yes we’ve seen you, you nasty bastard,just before you return to greet us, our corridors transforming that fivefingered hankie into a germcarrying handshake. We’re not surprised that he’s no fan of sanitatio though. He’s that same despicable gnome that refuses to wash his hands when he leaves the bathroom. If you notice that the cubicle next to yours is occupied when you exit, and don’t think that we hear the toilet flush and the main bathroom door close without hearing running water in between, you’re not only nasty but you’re dumb.

Please take note that we get annoyed when we lend you our pencil and you sharpen it in your ear. We observe you using it as a q-tip, but next time, consider giving it back without wax. So for all the crotch scratching, nose picking, spit grooming, crack digging, arm sniffing, tit squeezing, snot blowing, no hand washing, pencil sharpening ignobles among us…when you’re displaying your bad habits outside the confines of your bathroom, remember to smile…You’re on candid camera.